Two things fathers wish they had more time to do
I recently chatted with a financial adviser who was getting ready to welcome his second child in a few weeks. During our time together, I asked him what his greatest challenge being a parent was, and I could hear the weight in his voice as he sighed in response.
Time.
“How do I make time for myself,” he said. He admitted he loved being with his wife and son at the end of the day but recognized he was barely making time to do the things he wanted to do and figure out how he was doing.
As fathers, we believe our worth and value come from how much we can provide for our families. But what would it look like if we developed a more holistic perspective on fatherhood? One where we make time for work, family, self and even time to connect with friends?
Friends. That’s the second most recurring answer I’ve heard from dads.
Men struggle to maintain good friendships once they become fathers. The family’s needs increase, and the friendships and support systems he once had slowly decreases. While this may not be the case for all fathers, maintaining good friendships is an area that most men find challenging.
It’s often easier for a mom to pick up the phone, talk about her day and hang out in mom’s groups, but the options for fathers to do the same are often limited. Plus, most men find it challenging to communicate effectively the kind of support they need from their friends. This gets all the more difficult if your friends aren’t going through a similar fatherhood journey. As a result, you may find that your friendships begin drifting apart over time.
Making time for yourself and maintaining good friendships is not an overnight feat. While either of these things may take time, here are three things you can do that might help you grow in this area:
Practice writing out how and why you feel that way because it may be difficult to communicate it on the spot. If you keep a small notebook with a few points (no, I didn’t say journaling, most guys hate this idea), it will help you communicate better how you’re feeling to your wife and the guys closest to you so they can better support you.
Talk to your wife and create a schedule with her where you can get a little “me-time” at least once per week.
Create an inner circle of guys so you can communicate freely about the challenges you’re experiencing as a dad. Let them know how you’d like them to support you through this season.
As you continue on your fatherhood journey, be encouraged. You are exactly what your family needs. Please let me know if you try these tips and how they work. Also, any other advice other fathers can try is welcome.