How to Deal with Porn & Masturbation <br>in Marriage

How to Deal with Porn & Masturbation
in Marriage

Many of us would say this isn’t happening in our marriage because we are ashamed or afraid of how our wives (or anyone else for that matter) would view us. The statistics show, however, that over 50% of men struggle with porn and masturbation.

The question is, why is it that even after marriage, these challenges still affect us? The reasons differ between guys, but here are a few common reasons I’ve gathered from other men who were willing to talk openly about it. I hope that these insights help you understand why you still struggle and how to initiate healing:

You are afraid or don’t know how to communicate with your wife about your desires for sex.
You have not allowed your thinking of what sex should look like to be transformed by God, so you have twisted ideas (from porn movies, etc.) of how to fulfill that need.
The men you socialise with support / encourage these practices.
You developed habits during your bachelor years, which are now well established. You didn’t seek help to break them off because you assumed marriage would replace them.
These practices have become a sort of drug for you, so when you get tired, frustrated, or exhausted, it’s an easy way to “get your fix”.
You might have been abused when you were younger, and it’s a way of filling that void or coping.
You believe in a lie that your wife can’t satisfy you with sex, and so you find other ways to meet your needs.
There’s a familiar spirit of sexual enticement that demonic spirits use to seduce you into these habits.

Symptoms

A symptom, in this case, is any situation that stirs the desire to engage in watching porn or masturbating. If you realize this is happening regularly, the question to ask yourself is, what might be triggering these desires?

While you think about that, here are some red flags that should let you know you’re falling into an addictive pattern:

Lack of impulse control
Sexual dysfunction
Guilt about masturbation & watching porn
Easy access to sexual content
An increased need for privacy
Canceling meetings or appointments to satisfy your urge

We know that we live in a fallen world, so without a doubt, temptation is everywhere; it’s crouching at your door bro. Every fantasy is just a touch of a smartphone screen away. It is now more important than ever to surround yourself with good people who will challenge you to stay on track.

Prevention

How can you break away from these habits and addictions? First, you must know yourself; every man is different. For each man, temptation to sexual sins comes in various forms, and we all have our shortfalls, so:

1. Guard your eyes:

One thing that is common for all of us is that our eyes are a gateway that will eventually endanger our soul if not guarded well.

2. Create support systems:

While it may feel as if there are not enough safe spaces where guys can talk about these challenges, you and I can begin to create them. Yes, it’s hard to be vulnerable, but we can’t do this fight alone, and I challenge you to initiate that. Start small, just you and one or two other friends.

3. Know your triggers:

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to understand better how this affects you and how you might be able to prevent it?

What are your triggers?

How do you feel just before you experience this trigger?

For example, one guy says he finds himself scrolling on his phone to find porn images when he’s having his “downtime” at home.
Another guy latches on to porn or masturbation when he’s exhausted or tired.
What are the places you go to hang out or socialize, and who are the people with whom you hang out? Are they influencing you in the right way? Sometimes just entertaining specific conversations with other guys slowly begins to shape your view and your reality.
What are some healthy boundaries you’re willing to practice?
Are you willing to share this with your wife and ask her to keep you accountable in this area?

Pray:

Lastly, and by no means is this a last resort, it is essential to pray. This can be a simple conversation with the Lord. An active prayer life is a crucial ingredient to making progress or changing old habits. Romans 12:2: “be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” As men, we have been affected by the fallen world, and part of that practice is to hide when we are guilty. We are pros at covering up and pretending that things are going fine when our lives are eroding internally.

Let’s take a stand to break that curse today. Let’s choose to walk with Jesus in his power and ability to redeem and transform us from our broken ways because all things are possible with God.

Treatment :

Here are a few ways you can treat these issues:

Get counselling
Join the Moral Revolution group
Tell your wife
Seek out a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist
Limit your time online
Limit your time spent alone
Disengaging from pornography and other content that increases a desire to masturbate

We could say much more on this topic. Ultimately, unless you desire to change, there’s nothing anyone else can do to help you break this pattern. Many guys have made it to the other side, and so can you. Let’s get to it!

Take it easy bro,

By God’s grace you have what it takes to love and lead yourself and your family well.

How to Deal with Porn & Masturbation in Marriage

Many of us would say this isn’t happening in our marriage because we are ashamed or afraid of how our wives (or anyone else for that matter) would view us. The statistics show, however, that over 50% of men struggle with porn and masturbation.

You are afraid or don’t know how to communicate with your wife about your desires for sex.

You have not allowed your thinking of what sex should look like to be transformed by God, so you have twisted ideas (from porn movies, etc.) of how to fulfill that need.

The men you socialise with support / encourage these practices.

You developed habits during your bachelor years, which are now well established. You didn’t seek help to break them off because you assumed marriage would replace them.

These practices have become a sort of drug for you, so when you get tired, frustrated, or exhausted, it’s an easy way to “get your fix”.

You might have been abused when you were younger, and it’s a way of filling that void or coping.

You believe in a lie that your wife can’t satisfy you with sex, and so you find other ways to meet your needs.

There’s a familiar spirit of sexual enticement that demonic spirits use to seduce you into these habits.

Symptoms

A symptom, in this case, is any situation that stirs the desire to engage in watching porn or masturbating. If you realize this is happening regularly, the question to ask yourself is, what might be triggering these desires?

While you think about that, here are some red flags that should let you know you’re falling into an addictive pattern:

Lack of impulse control

Sexual dysfunction

Guilt about masturbation & watching porn

Easy access to sexual content

An increased need for privacy

Canceling meetings or appointments to satisfy your urge

We know that we live in a fallen world, so without a doubt, temptation is everywhere; it’s crouching at your door bro. Every fantasy is just a touch of a smartphone screen away. It is now more important than ever to surround yourself with good people who will challenge you to stay on track.

Prevention

How can you break away from these habits and addictions? First, you must know yourself; every man is different. For each man, temptation to sexual sins comes in various forms, and we all have our shortfalls, so:

1. Guard your eyes:

One thing that is common for all of us is that our eyes are a gateway that will eventually endanger our soul if not guarded well.

2. Create support systems:

While it may feel as if there are not enough safe spaces where guys can talk about these challenges, you and I can begin to create them. Yes, it’s hard to be vulnerable, but we can’t do this fight alone, and I challenge you to initiate that. Start small, just you and one or two other friends.

3. Know your triggers:

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to understand better how this affects you and how you might be able to prevent it?

What are your triggers?

How do you feel just before you experience this trigger?

For example, one guy says he finds himself scrolling on his phone to find porn images when he’s having his “downtime” at home.

Another guy latches on to porn or masturbation when he’s exhausted or tired.

What are the places you go to hang out or socialize, and who are the people with whom you hang out? Are they influencing you in the right way? Sometimes just entertaining specific conversations with other guys slowly begins to shape your view and your reality.

What are some healthy boundaries you’re willing to practice?

Are you willing to share this with your wife and ask her to keep you accountable in this area?

Pray:

Let’s take a stand to break that curse today. Let’s choose to walk with Jesus in his power and ability to redeem and transform us from our broken ways because all things are possible with God.

Treatment :

Here are a few ways you can treat these issues:

Get counselling

Join the Moral Revolution group

Tell your wife

Seek out a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist

Limit your time online

Limit your time spent alone

Disengaging from pornography and other content that increases a desire to masturbate

We could say much more on this topic. Ultimately, unless you desire to change, there’s nothing anyone else can do to help you break this pattern. Many guys have made it to the other side, and so can you. Let’s get to it!

Take it easy bro,

By God’s grace you have what it takes to love and lead yourself and your family well.

How to Deal with Porn & Masturbation
in Marriage